Dump Your Significant Jerk

The 15th Annual Dump Your Significant Jerk Week begins today. The official do-the-deed day is tomorrow, Tuesday.

V-Day is just around the corner - if you're staying with some loser who is only going to disappoint you yet again, my question is why?

If you're the one putting forth all the effort, let this be your wake-up call. You can't love a jerk. You can pretend you do. You can be so deep in denial that you really believe it. But that doesn't make it true. Love is a mutual emotion; it needs nourishment from another. Anything else just isn't love.

And just so you know, the physical and emotional damage from a dysfunctional relationship is worse than the stress of a purely negative relationship. Research (Portland State University did a two-year study) shows that it's actually healthier and safer for us to have an enemy than be involved with a jerk. Results:
• lower overall health, higher number of health conditions (the increased stress of never knowing when the jerk will be a jerk reduces our immunity)
• family conflict (usually, our friends and family can see clearly what the jerk is doing, and they nearly always only want the best for us, but that creates more stress and turmoil, and sometimes arguments)
• pain of a broken heart (the brain processes physical pain in the same place it processes this kind of emotional pain, so you actually can feel physical pain!)
• suppressed anger shortens lifespan (think type-A personality, heart attacks, strokes, ulcers, killed-the-whole-family-in-their-beds-and-now-facing-lethal-injection, etc.)

How and why do people get involved with jerks, anyway? First, let's agree that humans, like water, seek the path of least resistance. We're inherently lazy. Add to that the fact that some people aren't secure enough to be alone and will latch onto the first person that comes along rather than wait or seek out a good relationship. And of course, some people will act like princes (or princesses) to get themselves into a relationship, and then quit acting.

So this could work two ways. In one scenario, we have Cindy. She's a sweet, innocent thing who grew up believing that Prince Charming would sweep her off her feet. She throws herself at Charming, who recognizes that by choosing Cindy, he won't have to pursue anyone, thus saving him effort, time, and money. He charms Cindy, they couple up. Once they've shacked up in a hovel (his parents disowned him so no castle for them), he isn't so charming. He's a jerk. Cindy's disillusioned but clings to him because to her, it's better than the risk of being an old maid.

In another scenario, we have Harry and Maggie. They have tons in common: smart, good jobs, non-existent self-esteem, and a fear of what others think of them for not having a relationship. They meet at a bar and it's desperation-at-first-sight. Of course they aren't compatible at all and they argue and threaten to end it all the time, but ultimately, it's better to be unhappy and unstable than alone.

If you are Cindy or Charming or Harry or Maggie ... STOP IT! Celebrate this week! Here's your game plan:
1. Dump the jerk as soon as possible.
2. Give yourself a day or two to get past the "Holy Crap, did I really do that?" phase.
3. February 11 is Satisfied Staying Single Day. It's Saturday. By then, you'll be ready to admit that maybe single can be better than being with the wrong person.
4. Spend the entire weekend doing things for yourself. Make Valentine's Day your finale and treat yourself to something special. It's cliche but true - you have to love yourself before you can be loved by someone else.

P.S. Sometimes people act like jerks who aren't. If you want to take a shot at saving the relationship, take a look at these two articles:
Emotional Vampires (http://ow.ly/8UlG9)
and
Five Reasons Things Keep Going Wrong In Your Relationships (http://ow.ly/8UlKN)

P.P.S. Ladies, staying in a bad relationship puts you at particular risk. One in three of women are victims of some degree of sexual abuse by the age of 21. And at least that many get caught up in potentially abusive relationships - physically, emotionally, or financially. Jerks can become much worse than just jerks.
This month ONLY, you can get the DIY version of my Single Shot Session, Avoiding Mr. Wrong, for FREE upon request. Just email your request to me at unchainedcc@gmail.com and I'll send you the entire package, including an extensive checklist of warning signs and red flags, and tips on how to deal with a Mr. Wrong to keep him away and keep you safe.

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