Consider the following statements in the context of your most recent relationship, or what you’ve observed in your own life over the past two or three years.
1. You become sexually involved with and/or emotionally attached to a person without taking the time to get to know him or her. We’re talking a minimum of 30 to 40 hours of face time, people, not a steamy weekend of phone calls or IMing with someone you just met on a dating website.
2. You fear abandonment & loneliness (causing you to stay in and return to painful, destructive and abusive relationships, ‘cause hey, it’s better than being alone).
3. You involve yourself in more than one relationship at a time, emotionally, sexually, or both. You know who you are, playa. You’re the one with the “flavor of the week” thing going on.
4. You confuse love with obsession, using controlling behaviors directed towards your partner(s) with the hope of keeping him or her from leaving you. (You know this is you if, when the partner begins expressing a lack of interest, you refuse to see it, you cry and beg or otherwise embarrass yourself, or you suddenly realize it would be the perfect time to do that brake job on her car, or offer to clean his apartment or do his laundry.)
5. You feel empty inside, even while in a relationship, causing you to search for new
love interests. This might even be a compulsive behavior.
6. You spend money you don't have on a romantic interest – either because you want to impress Pookie with your wealth, or because when Pookie calls, you and your credit card jump.
7. You use sex & emotional involvement to manipulate and control others.
8. You become preoccupied with a romantic interest and are unable to concentrate. You probably have a problem establishing boundaries; some of the preoccupation may stem from that hottie you met a week ago calling and texting you a dozen times a day.
9. You attach yourself to emotionally unavailable people and/or abusive partners. Why? Well, that’s a textbook in itself, but let’s sum it up by saying that if you aren't prepared to be involved in a healthy emotional relationship, you'll unconsciously seek out others who are also unprepared for a healthy emotional relationship.
10. You obsess over, monitor and perhaps stalk the object of your affection. See #8, except it’s you doing the calling and texting.
12. You assign unrealistic qualities to those you are attracted to, believing they can bring you happiness and "save" you from your loneliness.
Recognize any of these patterns?
Just one or two ring a bell? It’s time to evaluate your expectations and boundaries.
Found yourself nodding in agreement with a handful? Strongly consider professional coaching or counseling to help you work on the imbalances in your relationship.
Most of them sound familiar? Your love is not love but an obsession. Sometimes we all need a reminder of what a healthy relationship should be – now it’s your turn. Make an appointment with a relationship coach or mental health pro as soon as possible.
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