Image Coaching ... Your Assertiveness?

In terms of image, there are plenty of resources out there that can tell you what to wear, how to style your hair, and even what makeup shades are most flattering. There are other resources that can tell you how to apply some of the same principles to your business.

At last Saturday's Woman-to-Woman conference, someone asked me, "Do you think being assertive can help a person's image?" Yes. Yes I do. The next question was how to start being more assertive.

So in a nutshell, here's Assertiveness 101.

"Is there any reason why ..." This is really fun. It's a simple request for information, but people don't tend to interpret it that way. Use this when you come up against an obstacle that shouldn't exist. For example, store policy says exchanges only, but state law provides for returns with receipt, within 30 days. It's been two days, you have the receipt, and you want your money back. The customer service person will cite store policy, at which point, you politely ask, "Is there any reason why I can't get a refund?" This indicates you're aware of the policy, but that you do NOT consider it a valid reason for refusing a refund. Puts them in an awkward spot! Whatever the answer is, if it doesn't reasonably meet your need, assert yourself by politely asking again. "Yes, I understand that's the policy, but the law says differently. So, is there any reason why I can't get a refund?" Or maybe, "Yes, I understand what you're telling me and you don't have the authority to do it. Is there any reason why a manager can't give me a refund?" You get the idea.

Zig Ziglar uses the term "courteously persistent" and I like that. That attitude goes a long way!

Of course, just because someone likes you (because you've been so nice), they still may not believe they can help. So, now that you've asserted yourself, nicely, and assured the person you understand the rules, here's the next sentence: "If you can't do it, I'll understand."

If you haven't already resolved the situation with "is there any reason why", this is often a clincher. It gives the other person an out - they aren't pressured (because you aren't being aggressive), but now you've challenged them as well as made them your ally. They practically want to help now. And often, they are certainly able to do it.

If you really want to enforce the win-win, we're-on-the-same-team concept, you can add, "If you could, I'd really appreciate it."

The beauty of assertiveness is that it can only enhance your image. If you're passive, people feel they can dump anything on you, and you suffer. Others get the impression that you have no life and you see yourself as worth less than whatever you can't say no to. If you're aggressive, people have to defend themselves from your attack, and your actual message gets lost. They get the impression that you can't communicate, you don't work well with others, you can't be trusted, and you're mean.

Being assertive means you have values and standards and expectations - of yourself and others, and people get an image of you as respectful, professional and diplomatic, and a team player. Not just at work, not just at a store, but your neighbors, the people you deal with at your child's school, your family, and your friends - they all see you as capable, competent, likeable ... that's an image to cultivate!